Dear Daddy,

This weekend I was talking with Ryan about you. I didn't think so at the time, but I realize now that he was right. I am not over your death. And it hit me kinda suddenly today while I was driving to a job interview. I don't know what set it off, but I started to realize that he was right. I didn't get overly upset about it. I didn't want to be upset during the interview so I held it all in.

Everyone keeps telling me that I am the strong one and Joe is the emotional one. But I don't find that to be true. I just refuse to show my emotions in front of Mom since she is so emotional and I can't handle that.

I can't figure out why it annoys me that everyone else keeps saying that i am strong, i guess it's hard to live up to those expectations. Or why it frustrates me that others aren't over it. I find myself shutting people out when they show emotion over you. I know that is wrong but that is how it makes me feel.

I'm not over it. I just hold it in. And I think it is getting harder to hold in. I started to get very upset over the weekend. I just couldn't stop crying. So much is bothering me, its not just you. It doesn't make sense. I should be happy, after all I have Ryan now and he is wonderful to me. But it seems like everything else is falling apart. I'm sick. My job sucks. I have no money. It just is bad right now for me. I don't know. Sometimes I am glad that you aren't here cause you wouldn't be proud of me. I don't know. I just want to be successful...I just can't succeed at that.

Love,
Daughter